..endless.. v5.0 - yesterday..

Saturday - June 21, 2008 @ 02:06 am

Skadoooosh

Wow, sorry for running away. Finals week happened, followed by the hectic move to my summer apartment. I missed writing.

SOOO it's summer vacation!! BUT... this past week that I've been at home, I've been living such a tiring lifestyle it makes me want to be back at school.... I say this because for many of these days I've been here, I am always tired. I sleep just about as much as I did during exam weeks, maybe even less. Since I am only going to be here at home for this week, I feel like I try to make the most of it by being awake for as much of it as possible.... which inevitably wears me out immensely and makes me feel terrible. I'm stupid.

Anyway. I realize I don't really have anything to blog about tonight. A few nights ago, I could have written inches of stuff here. I was in that kind of a mood. I guess the moment passed.....

Just thought I'd come by and mention that I'm still around. Expect visits from me

<3 PLUGS: Breanne | Jenny | An | Candy | Kay | Kerri | Vickie | Marsha | Chide

♥, kimmy |

comments (0)

Saturday - May 31, 2008 @ 05:31 am

Getting By...

Thanks guys for all the good wishes to find my journal! Unfortunately... it still has not turned up. I've stopped looking for it, though I am pretty sure it just has to be somewhere in this room. That is, unless somebody decided to jack it, though I can't think of why somebody would. Keep your fingers crossed, please!

Hmm so... there hasn't been anything particularly spectacular that's happened to me lately. Just trying to get through the last few weeks of school and trying to keep myself from falling back into my post-breakup slump. But it seems like only depressing things come to me.

First of all, despite lots of studying for one of my midterms, I bombed it, which means unless I ace my final, I am facing a failing grade. This is the first situation in which I am considering failing the class on purpose just so I can qualify to retake the class again for a better grade. Sigh.

Then, there's the losing battle between me and my parents for possession of a car to use in LA for the summer. I would like to start driving here and getting used to taking myself places, and also, if I get a job or need to go somewhere for class, I could drive myself there. I don't even want a new car or anything like that, just a car to use. It doesn't sound like it's gonna happen though... my parents are totally against it and it's really unfair, since they don't give me valid reasons for why I can't. ugh I had been looking forward to my summer because I thought I'd be able to explore and actually have some fun instead of being stuck in one place...

Finally, there's the gradual relapse into missing my ex. Again. It's close to 6 months now after the break-up. It's nothing like 6 months ago, of course, but still, I had been hoping I would be happy by now. Tonight, there was a really big clubbing event and nearly everybody I know went to it. I really would have wanted to go have fun, relax, and dance.... but I decided I did not want to go and run into him dancing with his new girlfriend. I guess I'm just not over him yet.

He's so lucky, to have someone and to not feel lonely. Sometimes, I feel like I could just get with anybody, just to have somebody to talk to again. But then, I think about how that would be stooping to his level, and it makes me feel better about riding it out alone, painful as it is. I feel like I need to be able to be independent on my own, before I try depending on another person so much again. It's hard to be alone though, after sharing my life with him for so long... I miss him, and lately started thinking about him more that I would like, especially because he still tries to make contact with me all the time. BUT note to self: I gotta remember - he took advantage of my most vulnerable moment. And, more importantly, he already made his statement when he decided to go out with her. There's no going back now.

Sorry for the emo-ness. I just had to get that out of my system. Well, I am gonna try to get around to returning comments as soon as I can. I have to attend a banquet tonight, but other than that, it's a chill, studying weekend for me. Have a good weekend, all.

<3 PLUGS: Vickie | kathy | Anna | Lisa Marie | Deanna | Mimi | Arwen | Sara | Emma | pat adoraze | Belinda | Irene | Moonie | vanessa | cryslynn | Emz | abby | Wyther | Candygirl | Erica | amy

♥, kimmy |

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Tuesday - May 13, 2008 @ 01:17 am

I Freaking Lost My Journal?

So, I am sort of in a panic right now because I can't find my journal/notebook, which is kind of a big deal since all my emotions and feelings of the past 5 months were written uncensored and wholeheartedly in it. If it were to fall in the wrong hands.... cuss

I'm going to get my mind off it by writing about my weekend now instead. Basically it was a surprise visit back home for my mom's birthday and Mother's Day. So I hitched a ride back home on Thurs night at like 12:30 am, hoping to arrive back at my place around 5 in the morning. The plan was that I was going to get into bed and everything, but in the morning when everyone else woke up to go about their usual business, I would just pop up in the kitchen and go "good morning!" and freak everyone out. lol But it didn't end up working out that way, cuz the freeway was blocked off for a while and I didn't get back until everyone was already awake and everything... It was still okay though since they had no idea that I was going to be back for the weekend. My mom was also surprised, so it was gooooood.

I spent the weekend pretty much just chilling, spending time away from school, getting my alone time and space. It was a nice break to have. Oh, and I got my hair dyed again Then I hitched a ride back with the same people (my little and his friends) and got back here safely for more school.

So I've been giving some thought to the idea that weariness and lack of sleep may be a reason why I feel upset and sad all the time, and I am going to try to get at least 8 hours of sleep a night for the next few nights. (I lost another 2 whole nights of sleep this past week). It'll feel pretty good, plus I can spare the time right now between midterms.

Okay, I'm not going to get my 8 if I stay up any longer. Mission to sleep really well this week starts NOW. Goodnight!

<3 PLUGS: Yanah | pat adoraze | Belinda | Becca | An | Wyther | Nick | Kaz

♥, kimmy |

comments (21)

Friday - May 02, 2008 @ 10:52 pm

A Little Bit of Both

"Happiness comes in many forms -- in the company of good friends, in the feeling you get when you make someone else's dream come true, or in the promise of hope renewed. It's okay to let yourself be happy because you never know how fleeting that happiness might be." -One Tree Hill

Just thought I'd throw that quote in there, since I heard it today. And since these days I've been thinking a lot about how I am. My roommates have been asking me how I've been, and I don't know what to say. Am I good? Am I still sad? Am I still hurting? I don't even know which one it is. It's weird, huh? Not knowing my own state....

I feel like my days are flying by and nothing is going on with me. It's a little pathetic. That I feel like my days are boring or pale in comparison to the days when I was still going out with him. No, it's not a LITTLE pathetic, that's very pathetic. But what can I do? I don't feel like I'm living my days the same way as when I was happily in love. Somehow, I think I'm the type of girl that is most happy when there's a significant other to share my life with. And yet, I don't want to need someone to be happy.... sigh I'm contradictory.

Anyway.... my last week/weekend was crazy. I only got an average of about 4 hours of sleep a night, and one night that I didn't even sleep at all. I rested up a little bit this week, but I'm still yawning alot. In addition, I've been eating a lot, since that's what I do when I study. (It's a bad habit.) Sooooo I've been feeling bad all around.

...............................I need something to cheer me up.

<3 PLUGS: An | shaina | Erica | Wyther

♥, kimmy |

comments (8)

Wednesday - April 23, 2008 @ 04:43 pm

Too busy -__-

Up until a few days ago I had so much free time I didn't know what to do with myself. All of a sudden BAM! there's so much to do and so much going on. argh

Firstly, my ankle is all better now! At least, it's okay enough for me to walk around and even jog a little. But as a result of the sprain, I missed all my dance practices last week, so I was forced to drop out of our dance competition. I was really looking forward to performing too.... but I would rather not do the dance competition than to overwork my ankle and keep it from fully healing.

Nextly, over the weekend, my parents and brother did get to come down to visit me It was fun. There was a little awkward moment when they ran into my ex while picking me up for Irvine... my parents don't like him much now, since they know how much he made me hurt and cry for so long. But I just thought it was hilarious how much they were hating on his new girlfriend who was with him. My parents generally aren't mean people, so I guess they really thought she looked funny. And I don't mean to be conceited or anything like that by repeating this, but a few of my friends have bluntly said that he "downgraded" by picking her. *shrug* Whatever. I'm staying strong.

So my next few days are packed with midterms, banquet, frat stuff, and other random obligations. I realize I've never really been very good with turning people down or avoiding situations where I'm stuck having to do something I don't want to do. An example of one of the random obligations: one of my friend's birthdays is in 2 days, and I somehow became designated as one of the people in charge of planning for it, even though I honestly just wanna say happy birthday to her and then leave to go on back to studying. But no, I have to help with the setup for the surprise and entertain some of her friends who are coming over, when I should be studying and prepping for my banquet. sigh And this was just ONE obligation, remember.

Alright, there goes my study break. I will catch up on comments and everything once all the chaos is over this weekend.

<3 PLUGS: Lani | Robmarie | Chide | Sara

♥, kimmy |

comments (4)

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